One of the great moral principles of human civilization that is fundamentally linked to the success rate of the human race on the societal as well as personal level is the ability to impose on oneself the delay of gratification. The Apostle Paul himself seemed to derive great satisfaction from having achieved a victory that is more often the cornerstone of eastern faiths when he expressed that he had brought his own body “under subjection.”
The underlying premise in understanding the inexpressibly vast implications of this concept begin to come into clear focus for us when we understand that pride and self-will may well be at the root of nearly all crimes. People steal when they don’t mind violating another person to advance themselves. People murder for the same reason. It is difficult to imagine a crime that does not have self-will and the closely linked inability or unwillingness to delay gratification as its fuel.
Ancient societies were often very judicious in determining how the process of inheritance was to unfold. There was almost universal recognition that wealth was not at all the principal measure of human success, other that perhaps by measuring diligence, perseverance and regarding the positive character traits and astute decisions that led to its creation.
When wealth is obtained through a process such as inheritance or through the disproportionate rewards of a society that rewards athletic talent or the ability to entertain, those fast-track lives have a history of developing into some of the least stable individuals within our society. The reason, in large measure, is that they have never had to learn to delay gratification. This is perhaps most disastrous in personal relationships, for when another person becomes a source of disappointment, the tolerance level and the ability to minimize one’s personal needs for the benefit of another human being are often below the threshold required for successful human dynamics. The results are fights, arguments, breakups and divorce, or worse. When two people categorically and chronically refuse to make their personal needs subservient to the other’s, the relationship develops a fatal pathology from which it can never recover.
So it looks like the Apostle Paul was onto something when he emphasized the importance of self-mastery. Add to that the crowning jewel of Jesus’ teachings: “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” and it becomes difficult to think of one problem in the world that those two life principles would not thoroughly solve . . . doesn’t it . . . . ?
Jerry D. Kaifetz, Ph.D.
I learned of “delay of gratification” in my college years 30 years ago from Dr. Donald Joy. Understanding this concept has made me a better man, more mature. We live in a culture that does everything to destroy that concept and ruin relationships. Thanks for post this article.